Whether you believe that heredity or environment are more
important in determining physical and behavioural traits, we all of us are
influenced by our parents, for better and for worse. From my Mother I have
inherited the ability to worry endlessly and often needlessly about just about
everything, including things over which I have absolutely no influence or
control, and an obsession with punctuality.
From my Father I have patently failed to inherit any talent
for gardening or DIY, both of which he was very good at, but I have inherited
an argumentative streak and a number of sayings and phrases, some of which I
have had to Google to understand their provenance. Some appear to have been of
Dad's own invention.
Anyone who has been in the armed forces will presumably be
familiar with the expression, "Stand by your beds," which I
understand heralded the entry of an
inspecting officer into a barrack room. My Dad would normally say this when
someone, usually my Mum, entered the room, especially if it was apparent that
the person, again usually my Mum, was in a bit of a bate[1].
This has entered the lexicon of Woods family expressions and is now customarily
used when our younger daughter starts moving about upstairs preparatory to
coming downstairs with a request or to have a bit of a whinge. Val and I use it
to put one another on our guard!
More obscure is the expression " Meredith, we're
in!" The origin of this is phrase is a 1907 music hall sketch called The
Bailiffs performed by Fred Kitchen. I have no idea what the sketch entailed,
nor the reason for the line, although I assume it relates to the bailiff in
question gaining entry somewhere. Whatever the derivation, my Dad was commonly
heard to utter "We're in Meredith!" when something he was attempting
was successful, such as removing a stubborn nail from a piece of wood, or on
completion of a piece of DIY. I cannot say I have ever heard anyone else utter
these words, which I have appropriated myself and use now and again, normally
having completed some task that seemed like it could not be completed, like
getting Task Manager to work on a PC running Vista. It may be that I am now one
of very select band of people using this
expression; if you know anyone else who does, please let me know, otherwise I
expect the phrase will cease being used when I eventually shuffle off this
mortal coil.
_1935.jpg) |
| Fred Kitchen |
While the two phrases above can be found in various places
on the internet, the next one which my Dad used appears to be original and not
borrowed from elsewhere (if you know differently, I'd love to know where it comes
from), and that is "Count your Murphies." This is not an instruction
to go out and calculate the number of Irishman in the vicinity, but as a
variation on the expression, "Count your blessings." Somewhere,
somehow, in the manner that Cockney rhyming slang transmogrifies words like
deaf into Mutton (Mutt and Jeff), perhaps blessings became Murphies, although
how I have absolutely no idea. I suppose
it could refer to Murphy's Law, but I'm not sure how. If anyone can enlighten
me, I'd be grateful, otherwise I will assume that "Count your
Murphies" was an original.
Like most people in this country, my Dad was fond of a cup
of tea. This is not something I have inherited so much as assumed as normal behaviour;
I am rarely without a cup on the go when I'm at home (I have one with me as I
write), and like me my Dad liked his tea strong enough to stand a spoon up in.
With monotonous regularity, Dad making a cup of tea would be prefaced by him
saying, "I'm making tea...you're not getting any." I find, to my
chagrin, that I now do the same, usually when I get up and make the first cup
of the day.
.jpg) |
| A proper cuppa. |
Other expressions that received regular airings included
dead lumber, as in "I'm in dead lumber" to indicate that he was in
trouble, usually with my Mum, or occasionally at work. Like counting one's
Murphies, I cannot find this on the internet. Then there was the oft expressed
desire, usually on rainy evenings, to refrain from any physical exercise, as in
"I think I'll give the jogging a miss tonight." This might have made
some sense had he ever gone jogging, but he didn't, not once in all his life
(well not just for exercise anyway). It was just an oblique way of referencing
the fact that the weather was horrid.
Whenever we watched a TV series, the end of each week's
episode would be met with Dad saying, "It wasn't as good as last week."
Looking back I'm not sure if he actually meant that or whether it was said in
jest or just through habit. Had it been true, the last episode in a season of
Alias Smith and Jones, or Star Trek (two series we watched together), must have been pretty appalling!
Finally we come to an expression that my Dad did not use
himself, but got me to use. Picture the scene. It is Sunday morning and Mum is
in the kitchen slaving over the roast, Dad is in the lounge reading the paper
and he says to me, "Go out and ask your Mum what the holdup is." So
off I toddle, (I'm about eight at the time) into the kitchen. "What's the
hold up?" I announce (not, "Dad says, what's the holdup" you
notice) whereupon Mum glares at me and Dad chuckles behind his paper.
Dad was also wont to make apparently bizarre or daft
statements with a completely straight face that would totally disarm other
people. For instance we were once in a shop where he was buying tea bags.
"These are good, aren't they?" said the shop assistant, making
conversation. "Yes," replied Dad, "but isn't it a pain unpicking
the stitching to get the tea out?" resulting in a very confused shop girl
who wonders if she should explain that that was not the intention of the
manufacturers. My poor long suffering Mum said that on many occasions she had
to explain to people that Dad wasn't serious when he made similar remarks.
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| Deconstructing the tea bag. |
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