We're Not Going On A Summer Holiday

The schools have broken up for the six week holiday, the great British summer is in full swing (several sweltering days punctuated by violent thunderstorms and a temperature swing of about 20 degrees Celsius) and naturally the Passport Office have threatened strike action. Yes, welcome to August, the summer holidays and the most self inflicted stress you will suffer since last Christmas.

Holidays are frequently reported as being among the most stressful things that we do, certainly they are one of the most stressful things we do through choice, right up there with moving house and so the question is why does something that should be so enjoyable cause so much tension and anxiety?

Holiday ads; beautiful people in beautiful places without a care in the world.

There are several reasons and one of them is having spent a great deal of time, effort and money on booking the holiday, we want it to be perfect and those expectations, which can be as unrealistic as the holiday adverts that lured us into booking in the first place, often failure to materialise. Secondly we are now thrown into close proximity with our spouse and other family members on a 24/7 basis rather than in that short space of time we normally spend with them between work, bed, school and all of the other routine activities. Divorce lawyers report that September is a busy month as couples find that their two week summer holiday has exposed all sorts of tensions that the weekly grind had suppressed. Again the holiday ads, with their carefree families frolicking on golden beaches, dining under the stars and sipping cooling drinks by an immaculate pool, create an image of holidays that travellers may feel obliged to try and emulate; many will fail.

Holiday reality: Crowds, delays, stress.

One of the most difficult things to do, at least during the first few days of a holiday, is to unwind, especially to put aside the cares of work and relax. This is especially true if one's holiday destination involves a long haul flight. A few years ago we holidayed in Hawaii, at the Hilton on Waikiki beach and in theory this should have been really relaxing and eventually it was, but after an eleven hour flight from London to Los Angeles, several hours waiting at LA airport, a further five hour flight to Honolulu, missing our transfer to the hotel where we arrived to find that our travel company had made a mistake with our booking, my initial thoughts were that I wish I hadn't left home. I am sure that many people have the enviable ability to switch off from their work and other routine cares and woes when they go on holiday and start enjoying themselves from the word go, but personally I always found it hard going.

The Rainbow Tower at the Hilton on Waikiki beach.

A temptation into which I have often fallen on holiday is trying to cram too much in. There is a feeling, especially if one has travelled a long way or is visiting somewhere that is world renowned, to try and see everything, to do everything. After all, how galling would it be to return home and be asked by a friend, "Did you visit so and so?" only to have to admit that you didn't visit what, in some people's eyes, would be the major reason for visiting the place. This can lead people, and I would be one of them, into treating a holiday more like a military operation than a rest, rushing hither and thither in an attempt to cram as many activities and sight-seeing photo opportunities into two weeks as possible while constantly worrying that something has been missed. Our last two proper holidays (as opposed to short breaks) were to The Maldives where the temptation to rush around like a demon is tempered by the fact that there is nothing to rush around to see or do, forcing even the most restless of souls to lounge around for hours with the occasional dip in the bath-temperature Indian Ocean filling the time between meals and bed. Even I managed to unwind completely.

Bandos in The Maldives. Difficult to imagine being stressed here!

That isn't to say that our Maldives trips were without potential for stress, but the funny thing is that there are things that happen on holiday that should be stressful, but which turn out not to be and this is because the prime causes of stress are self-induced. Where an outside event that could be stressful occurs a different pattern of behaviour kicks in, as happened to us in Bandos in The Maldives and in Tobago.

On one of our trips to Bandos Val developed toothache and despite being given painkillers by the resort's doctor, it wasn't getting any better. Having been told before we left home that she had an unerupted wisdom tooth coming through it became apparent that some sort of dental surgery was necessary, which wasn't available on the island. This could have prompted a whole bucket load of stress with associated bickering but strangely it was all quite calm. After confirming with our travel insurers that they would pay the necessary costs, we were whisked over to the mainland by speedboat, fast tracked through the local hospital by a rep from the resort and four hours after leaving the island we were back on it again with Val now minus one tooth. Val reported that the dentist was so good that initially she didn't even realise that he had extracted the tooth!

Tobago

A couple of years previously, while staying at the Hilton in Tobago, Val had the misfortune to put her foot down a pipe that was buried in the grounds, causing a very deep and long gash in her shin. Again this was a potentially really stressful incident and wasn't helped by having to leave our daughter Sarah, who was only ten at the time, at the resort while we went to the hospital to have Val's leg stitched. Then it was a couple of trips to a local health centre to get Val's dressing changed and to get a "fit to fly" certificate from a local doctor. Once back in England I had the slightly unusual experience of pushing Val around Gatwick airport in a wheelchair.

This is what happens when you put your leg in a pipe when you shouldn't.

So it is odd then that while things can happen on holiday that we don't expect, can't plan for and which are filled with stressful possibilities, these are actually easier to deal with and are in fact less stressful than the things that we manufacture in our own mind. Certainly the biggest cause of stress in our family holidays is, I have to confess, me, and I am certain that in most cases holiday stress is caused by one or more of the holidaymakers and not by events.

We aren't having a proper summer holiday this year, not for any particular reason and not as a means of avoiding any holiday related stress, although if we were going away I like to think that some of the experiences of the last few years would better equip me to calm down and enjoy it and not get so stressed out!

If you have a holiday planned in the next few weeks I sincerely hope that you have a stress free one that you enjoy and from which you return refreshed because sadly the rest of the year is stressful enough, but holidays don't have to be.