The Time Travelling Sheep

Trypanophobia: an extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections or hypodermic needles.

I wouldn’t call myself trypanophobic, but I am not over enamoured of people sticking needles in me. I am happier with being jabbed for the purpose of inoculation or vaccination than I am for having blood drawn.

It isn’t so much needle going into the vein that is the problem - although having experienced ‘shy’ veins on more than one occasion and had phlebotomists in despair at finding one suitable to take a sample from, being repeatedly and unsuccessfully jabbed is not my idea of fun – rather it is the sensation (real or illusionary) of blood being drawn that I have the problem with.

The only time that I donated blood was when I was in my early twenties and must be the source of my problem. I can recall that the throbbing sensation in my arm was sufficiently discomforting to put me off repeating the procedure. I have a similar problem with having my blood pressure taken; the prospect of and actual feeling of the blood pumping in my veins makes me very uptight and I am sure that is why, whenever I have my blood pressure taken, it takes at least three attempts before the doctor or nurse is satisfied that I am not in need of immediate hospitalisation.

I went for a routine blood test yesterday, which passed off without any drama, and apart from the ‘shy’ vein incident, the only other time I have had any sort of problem with a needle going in was when I had a seasickness jab, the first time I went on a cruise. The injection –a large dose of anti-histamine – was administered in the buttock. If you ever have a similar injection, I recommend wriggling your toes while it is given as it is quite uncomfortable.

Tomorrow I am going for my first coronavirus vaccination, a little earlier than I expected. When the vaccination process began, the online calculator, which you can find at https://www.omnicalculator.com/health/vaccine-queue-uk, suggested that I would get my first dose at the beginning of April. With the pace of the programme, I thought that this would come forward to mid-March, but Val had a message from a friend who is the same age as us, and who works in a pharmacy. She had booked her vaccination, so we went to the NHS website on Friday, and booked our jabs at the ExCel Centre in Docklands.

The booking process was really simple and easy, and from what I have been told by other people, the actual vaccination process is pretty slick too. Side effects reported from people I know who have had the jab range from a brief soreness in the arm, to nasty flu-like symptoms lasting a couple of days. The phlebotomist I saw on Saturday told me that she was unwell for a day. That’s not something that I relish, but we’ll see.

At the time of writing, 19.9million people in the UK have been vaccinated, albeit that only 736,000 have had both doses. With immunity supposedly only conferred a few weeks after the second injection, there is still a long way to go, and it is not until May that Val and I get our second doses. Once we all have had our second doses, we should begin to return to a version of normality, but there will need to be adjustments.

Much talked about is the possible vaccine passport, which has its pros and cons, and raises questions. I think it more likely that a vaccine passport would be required for international travel than for domestic use. International travellers are used to having to have a certificate to prove having had a vaccination against yellow fever, for instance, while vaccinations against cholera, hepatitis, and diphtheria are advisable, if not compulsory for travel to certain countries.

Some destinations may only be accessible to British holidaymakers with proof of vaccination: the Greek Prime Minister has said as much, for one. Entering Covid vaccination details may become as commonplace when booking a flight, or a hotel abroad, as entering a passport number is at present, and I find it difficult to see any reason why anyone would have an issue with that. Some people would object, no doubt, perhaps on the grounds that the vaccine is not mandatory in the UK, but then again, overseas travel and foreign holidays are not a right, and if another sovereign country wants to make a vaccination certificate a condition of entry, then that is their prerogative.

More contentious, however, would be a vaccination certificate for domestic use. Some people object strongly; Ian Brown of the band, The Stone Roses, is one.

Vaccines minister Nadhim Zahawi has said that the government was looking at the technology necessary to create vaccine passports, but he has also insisted that it isn’t the government’s plan to introduce them. He has said that one reason for not implementing them would be that the vaccine itself is not mandatory; he also said that passports would be discriminatory and wasn’t clear what impact they would have on the transmission of the virus. All very confusing, but understandably so, it’s not a straightforward issue.

The question of technology should be straight forward to address. For smartphone users, a digital certificate could be a simple extension of the existing NHS app, or the Covid app, the cost of which is expected to reach £35million: adding extra functionality to hold a digital certificate should be relatively inexpensive. For those without a smartphone, a physical alternative ought not to be beyond the wit of man.

Of more concern would be how vaccine certificates would be used. Critics say that their introduction would be an infringement of civil liberties, and it is easy to see that certificates could lead to a sort of health-based apartheid. Imagine not being able to go to a restaurant, or the cinema, the pub or a football match, simply for the want of a vaccine certificate?

Back in the day, underage drinkers would borrow an older sibling’s ID to get into a pub and, and fake ID is undoubtedly still used today, so there’s every reason to suppose that fake or forged certificates would be created. Equally, sympathetic door staff might admit uncertified customers to venues, either for a financial consideration or simply because they were known to them.

Covid has inspired any number of conspiracy theories, too many to list here, but the supposed nanotechnology in the vaccine is a major one. This tweet, claiming that the vaccine will facilitate time travel is simply mind-boggling however, and it is not a spoof. (Time travel? Why? would be my first question).

In less than twenty-four hours I will have my first vaccination. When I’ve had my second, I’d be happy to have, and produce when needed, some sort of certificate. Ian Brown and Dr Naomi Wolf would probably see me as a sheep, but who knows, perhaps I’ll be a time-travelling sheep who is able to go to concerts and football matches. Maybe I can get a ticket for Live Aid, or the 1966 World Cup Final.

 

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Picture of Shaun The Sheep and Tardis by Runa on Threads magazine https://www.threadsmagazine.com/readerproject/2009/02/10/tardis-quilt