The Fear Of Missing Something

It is difficult now to remember what it was like in the days before we had the technology to record TV programmes, but in the days when it was watch it live or not at all (or wait for the repeat) we all missed programmes because we had unbreakable commitments or simply because we had a better alternative. In 1964, Labour leader Harold Wilson actually arranged for the BBC to reschedule an episode of hit sit-com Steptoe and Son to avoid a clash with the general election lest the 14 million odd Steptoe fans failed to make it to the polling booths and potentially cost Labour up to a dozen marginal seats. Nowadays people are more likely not to vote for more everyday reasons such as their disillusionment with politics and politicians rather than because Dave are repeating an episode of Top Gear for the umpteenth time.

Photo: BBC

While in the 1970's and 1980's we had to choose between going to a football match, a concert, down the pub with our mates, or stay at home and see who shot JR instead, we now routinely record TV programmes to watch later. We don't have to miss out, unlike forty years ago when we had to miss out on something sometimes, and we had to decide which something.

Today many people seem to be constantly in fear of missing out on something, and it most likely isn't a TV programme, in fact they probably have absolutely no idea what they are missing, but just have a vague notion that they might be missing something. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) is the fear that everyone else is having more fun, doing more exciting things than you are, that something is happening somewhere that will provide the ultimate experience. More prosaically, there is the dread that without a constant connection to the rest of the world via social media sites, life will pass you by because  it is critical that you keep abreast of the minutiae of other people's lives.

Photo: Creatista/Shuttestock

The internet has a lot to answer for and I blame it for many things. On the one hand it frees us from the mundane, it's good for communication, it's good for the economy, it's good for learning and we've reached a stage where life without it is unimaginable. On the other hand it's as addictive as any narcotic, especially since it is now more readily available than ever in the form of the ubiquitous smartphone. Mobile internet access is now virtually omnipresent and I know I'm stating what is pretty obvious, but we now have a society in which a huge proportion spend the majority of their day connected and experience real anxiety if they are deprived of that connection. An apparent need for constant connection has developed in order to address the Fear of Missing Out. And not just FOMO.  There is the equally persistent variant Fear of Better Options (FOBO), a fear or belief that in doing whatever one is doing, one is missing out on something better. An obvious example of FOBO happens when you arrive somewhere new and want to stop for a bite to eat. You rule out McDonalds and Burger King because you don't want fast food. You pass the local Harvester because you don't want to go in a pub and rule out Wetherspoons for the same reason and because you can go to one any time. You rule out a few ordinary looking restaurants because you're sure you can find somewhere nicer and before you know it you are sitting down in a Little Chef wishing you had gone to that nice little Italian place you ruled out twenty minutes ago. Thus your fear of missing out on a better option leads you to an eatery of the lowest common denominator.

Photo: Daily Mirror

FOMO and FOBO can eventually lead to the Fear of Doing Anything (FODA)[1], although they aren't the only routes to FODA.  Fear of failure, past experiences and anxiety can lead there, but FOMO and FOBO can, singly or in association,  get people there. Because people with a Fear of Missing Out can find it difficult to say no they may accept multiple, often conflicting invitations to functions, parties or other social events and have to somehow juggle these or let people down at the last minute. And of course, whichever one they choose, they will invariably believe that whatever they declined would have been more rewarding, because FOBO can, as with the restaurant example, mean passing up perfectly acceptable offers and invitations in favour of some impossible dream of an incredible experience which is ultimately dissatisfying. Sufferers find themselves wracked by indecision, unable to accept offers and invitations "in case something better comes along," and eventually doing nothing. This may also lead to procrastination and in severe cases, complete paralysis. Both FOMO and FOBO can lead to sufferers putting off more important or less enjoyable tasks in pursuit or in the expectation of more pleasurable ones, although at least these procrastinators will eventually perform those important tasks, even if it is often in a half-arsed fashion. The more extreme sufferers will, through a form of paralysis, either put things off until it is too late or simply not attempt them at all.

Sometimes FODA is an effect of being swamped and finding it impossible to do the little things because too much else is on your mind and getting in the way. You know the sort of thing, the boiler has packed up, the dog looks like you should take it to the vet, the TV has gone wrong and you've run out of milk, so you take your tea black because  popping down to the shops to buy a pint of milk is too much, too overwhelming. Or you go out, buy several litres of creosote and treat the fences and garden shed because that takes your mind off the fact that there's no hot water in the house and where can you get a reliable plumber who isn't going to rip you off and God alone knows how much the vet's bill will be. If that sounds a little jokey, it isn't. I have known people with FODA, and I occasionally succumb to it myself.

Photo: freeimages.co.uk

The Fear of Missing Out, the Fear of Better Options and the Fear of Doing Anything are not exclusively phenomena of the internet age, although the technology exacerbates the problem. A potential cure, dropping off the grid and avoiding social media, may only cause another FOBO, namely the Fear of Being Offline. Frankly, we're doomed.

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[1] FOMO and FOBO are well documented syndromes or conditions. FOMO was first documented by Dr Dan Herman in 1996, (see http://fomofearofmissingout.com/fomo) while FOBO is a more recent discovery.  FODA appears to be a figment of my imagination, although procrastination is not.