It's Only Words

Somewhat more than 25 years ago I went on a course from work, during which all of the participants were required to deliver a short presentation. This did not need to be work related, although mine was (it was about Foreign Bills for Collection in case you are interested; a more memorable talk was on the correct way to wash a car, as I recall). These presentations were videoed and then we had the excruciating task of watching ourselves and critiquing our performance. The thing that struck me about my talk was that I had not realised it was possible to say "OK" so often during such a short time. Since then I have been conscious of the various verbal tics that I have and of the number of times I repeat certain phrases. It has made me keen to vary my speech, to search for synonyms and not to resort to clichés. For example I am at present trying to wean myself off starting sentences with "In my honest opinion," or "If I'm honest," because they annoy the life out of me so goodness knows how my listeners feel.

It is either because of the experience I had on that course or because I am something of a pedant, that I have accumulated a number of words, phrases and expressions that have gained common currency which infuriate me and I crave your indulgence while I share them with you.

1.       Bad Boys

I happen to be a fan of Jamie Oliver's cooking. I have one of his recipe books and I admire his efforts to get people eating wholesome, home cooked food, but every time he picks up a chilli, or a piece of fish, or whatever, and says, "Look at this bad boy," I cringe. I've noticed that in the latest Sky TV ads, Idris Elba is describing smartphones and tablets as "bad boys" and again, I just want to go "aaaargh!" A bad boy is a poorly behaved, male child, not a vegetable or a piece of technology: can we all desist from describing inanimate objects as "bad boys" please?

2.       Calls out

Just this week The Huffington Post stated that Secretary of State for Education, Nicky Morgan had been "Called out for hypocrisy" over remarks deemed to be homophobic. Apparently, to be "called out" means to be challenged, to which I would say to those using the expression, I challenge you to use proper English and not some lazy substitute. A call out is a publishing term; it is not synonymous with confront.

3.       Like a boss

This one annoys me immensely, perhaps irrationally, but this is my blog, my opinion, so get over it. "Like a boss" is commonly used to describe a person completing an action with authority and finesse, so why not just say so instead of employing an annoying surrogate?

4.       Cheeky

Everything these days seems to be "cheeky." Be it a "cheeky Nandos" or a "cheeky pint" after work or popping out of the office for a "cheeky cigarette." The word has become an inane adjective that ought to be consigned to the dustbin. A drink after work may properly be described as "a swift half" even if several pints are involved; a visit to Nandos may be described as "going to Nandos" and a fag break may be exactly that or "popping out for a fag" but, please, please spare me the "cheeky" whatever. A child can be cheeky; even an adult can be cheeky, but as with "bad boy", inanimate objects and activities remain steadfastly un-cheeky.

5.       Owns

I own a motor car, I own a house, I own a computer but if I beat you at a video game (unlikely I know) or at Scrabble, I do not "own" you. I detest the internet pages I see with headlines like, "Ronaldo owns Messi in El Clásico" after Real Madrid have beaten Barcelona. It's lazy, it's stupid and it demeans our language. If Real beat Barça then it may be legitimate to say "Ronaldo outguns Messi" or the like, but "owns"? Sorry, no, no and thrice no!

6.       Stylee

I can accept the use of the word style slightly out of context, by which I mean not as describing a procedure or design or description but as a means of emphasis, for example "United won in fine style" but "stylee"? Commonly used (overused) by music critics who think it is hip, it's a word that just grates on me (shudder).

7.       Paradigm

Now paradigm is a noble word. It means a typical example of something or a distinct set of concepts, but it has been hijacked by the trendy to grant importance to the bland. The fact that Russell Brand once used it in a Newsnight interview is enough for me to wince when I hear it. What he said was that voting is "a pre-existing paradigm which is quite narrow and only serves a few people" when concept or idea or model would do just as nicely, thank you. Paradigm is used generally by people who are trying to make themselves out to be cleverer than they actually are. You may think that this is a fitting description of Mr Brand: I could not possibly comment. Oh, and "pre-existing" is just superfluous.

8.       Team or Crew

Football clubs and cricket clubs have teams; ships and aeroplanes have crews. Your local McDonalds or Tesco have staff or employees, or at a pinch, servers. It really irks me to see the waiting staff in a restaurant described as "the crew" or the shop floor staff in a supermarket described as "the team" or "colleagues." I accept that alternatives may be difficult to ascribe but a little imagination would not go amiss, or perhaps just a little more formality. The same goes for many groups described as "squad" or "gang" unless they are soldiers or safecrackers respectively.

9.       Curate

A curate is a member of the clergy;  a curator is historically the keeper of a museum, or gallery, or library. In recent years the act of curating something has been debased to simply mean someone who uploads some pictures on flickr. On that basis anyone with any type of social media account to which they occasionally upload a photo is a curator.

10.   Broke the internet

I strongly doubt that this blog will break the internet. I also doubt that anything apart from nuclear war, North Korean superhackers or a catastrophic solar flare will break the internet. Pictures of Kim Kardashian's oversized rear end did not and will not break the internet. This term has become a hackneyed expression that simply means that a few internet sites have received a few more visits than  normal.

I imagine that some of you are probably wondering why I am getting worked up over this. "It's only words" you may say, and so they are; just a few misused, excessively employed, stale, tired out words for which the language has so many richer, more descriptive, fresher alternatives, amirite?