Foibles and Faux Pas

Many years ago when we had not long been married, Val and I were in a supermarket when she remarked on the system I had for bagging our purchases, describing it as "anal" (as in anally retentive) because I had one bag for frozen and chilled items, another for fruit and vegetables, a third for packets and tinned goods and so on. This did not strike me as anything other than logical and sensible; it made sense to me to keep fruit separate from household cleaning products and to keep frozen and chilled food together, and besides it made life easier when unpacking things once we got home. I do not consider this methodology in any way compulsive or obsessive (although I concede that some people might) but it gave me pause to think on what aspects of my behaviour others might consider odd, or compulsive, or obsessive and for some reason those thoughts have returned to me now, so I thought I might share some of them with you.

A basket for a basket case?

I accept that I am a creature of habit, that I like routine and that I subscribe to the school of thought that says that there is "a place for everything and everything in its place" although this is borne of practicalities more than anything else.  For instance, when I come home I habitually put my mobile phone in a particular place on a worktop in the kitchen. This I do because when I next need my phone I know exactly where it is. Same goes for my keys and my wallet. If I don't put these things in the same place all of the time I know that when I next need them I will be unable to find them. On occasion I have picked up my phone to go out, only to remember some urgent task that I need to complete before leaving and have put the phone down again in the study, or by the door and upon completing said task now find that I am unable to locate the damned thing. Cue frantic search and, in extremis, the need to use the landline to call my errant mobile to ascertain its whereabouts. I hope you will agree therefore that having a consistent place to put one's mobile, or wallet, or keys is deeply rooted in necessity and is not in any way odd. Some of my other norms are perhaps more obsessive however and nowhere is this more apparent than in dress.

By no means do I consider myself particularly fashionable; my most common form of attire is a t-shirt or polo shirt with jeans or chinos (comfort before style is my motto), however I have a number of quirks or foibles when it comes to dress, most particularly in terms of combinations. I tend to favour polo shirts because these can (to my mind) be worn with almost anything, be it jeans, chinos, formal trousers or shorts and with a sweatshirt or fleece or even a blazer or sports jacket on top.  More consideration is needed when wearing a round or V necked t-shirt however. These can happily be worn with jeans or with shorts; at a pinch they can be worn with chinos, but never, ever with formal trousers. Similarly, when wearing a round or V necked t-shirt, these can be teamed with a fleece (provided it is a zip-through one or a hoodie), but never with a plain, round necked sweatshirt. This sort of t-shirt is acceptable with a blazer or sports jacket, but only if the t-shirt is plain. A t-shirt with a gaudy pattern or some sort of large design should never be worn with a "proper" jacket.

While polo shirts are incredibly versatile, I would never wear one under a sweatshirt or fleece if the outer garment has a collar; my rule is two garments, one collar although an exception might be a zip through fleece or jacket (yeah, it's bonkers, but that's me).

Noooooooo!!!!

Now there is a fashion these days to wear a blazer or sports jacket with jeans; perfectly acceptable in my view, but this still comes with some restrictions. This ensemble can be worn with a formal shirt, a polo shirt or plain t-shirt, but not with trainers; loafers, brogues or suede shoes yes, but trainers, never. Trainers can however be worn with jeans, any kind of t-shirt and any other type of jacket or fleece. Equally trainers can be worn with white socks but only when wearing shorts. Despite the fact that in the 1980's it was deemed acceptable to wear white socks with practically anything (I even wore them with suits for God's sake!) nowadays white socks must be confined to a trainer/shorts/polo/t-shirt combo. White socks with jeans or any sort of long trousers are a no-no.

Another thing with which I have issue is the trend for wearing an outer garment shorter than the under garment. This is something that I have seen particularly in winter, with gentlemen wearing a suit and some sort of top coat that is a couple of inches shorter than the suit jacket; I'm sorry, but how can you? Similarly ladies (and sadly Val offends here on occasion) a long jumper underneath a short jacket; again I'm sorry, but what is that all about? In a similar vein I find the fashion of wearing a short sleeved shirt over one that is long sleeved somewhat incomprehensible (except for warmth), as is the wearing of a gillet (body warmer) over a short sleeved shirt, although this last prejudice is purely based on the fact that one would not be warm enough rather than for any reason of style.

Another fashion faux pas that I would not consider is the low slung crotch in jeans or trousers (mind you I am too long in the tooth for that sort of attire anyway) that exposes the wearer's underpants. Apparently this stems from US prison wear, where belts are forbidden for obvious reasons, but which has been almost universally adopted among youths everywhere. It is perhaps apocryphal but another connotation of this type of dress implies that the (male) wearer is sexually available to other men (not sure how true that actually is, but it might give pause for thought to many who adopt this style of dress).

By now my audience is probably divided into two camps. There will be those of you who are nodding your heads sagely and agreeing (to some degree) on the grounds that you do something similar and there will be those of you who consider me to be something of an anally retentive, obsessive compulsive nutcase. Whichever camp you fall into, all I can say is that this is me; get over it.