"My Fellow Europeans..."

Both sides in the EU referendum debate have been issuing dire warnings of the consequences of not voting their way on 23rd June. Later in the week I'll be speculating on what might happen if we vote Leave, but first here's some guesswork on what the outcome could be if we vote to Remain.

Remember, this is a work of fiction, however EU Directive 89/686/EEC is real, and yes, it does cover oven gloves.

I was talking to my neighbour, Brian, over the garden fence the other day. He's approaching fifty, married, with a son called Harry, who is just coming up to his eighteenth birthday. We were reminiscing about the referendum.

"Hard to believe it's been ten years," I said.

"Yes, a lot of water under the bridge since then," he replied. "I saw that David Cameron on TV last night, flogging his new book and boasting about the brilliant deal he got for Britain when we voted to stay in."

"It was close, wasn't it?" I said. "What was it, 52 to 48 percent? And it wasn't such a good deal in the end either, was it?"

"Something like that," replied Brian, "And no, it wasn't such a good deal."

Brian has been seeing his doctor recently, and I know he's worried. Since the NHS outsourced all GP services to Pfizer (mention TTIP to Brian and he goes a dangerous shade of puce), medical fees have soared, and once he lost his job, Brian struggled to pay his appointment fees.

"I need a scan, apparently," Brian told me. "Trouble is, I can't afford one."

And Brian needs the money for a going away party for Harry anyway. Harry is being conscripted into the European Army in a month or two for his two years of Military Service, and Brian wants to give him a good send off. Naturally Brian is worried about where Harry will end up.

"A nice cushy billet on the Swiss border is what we want," Brian told me. "Not those bloody Turkish-Syrian margins." He shivered theatrically, remembering the body bags and the casual cruelty of the Kobane offensive of 2022.

"I'm sure he'll be OK," I said with more certainty than I felt. "They say it'll all be over by Easter."

Brian snorted, "That's what they said five years ago."

I asked Brian what he was up to now he was out of work.

"Got a voluntary job at the election office this week," he said. "You voting in the local elections on Sunday?"

I looked at him askance; "Got to," I said, "Compulsory now isn't it? EU directive whatever the number is."

"Yes, of course, I was forgetting," said Brian. "Been so many changes, it's hard to keep up."

Compulsory voting came in just a couple of years ago, on pain of a 50 euro fine for failing to attend, vote online or by proxy.

"Mind you, I'm not sure there's much point," I said. "The Greens always win round here, what with Labour and Conservative packing up."

"Remind me, why did the Tories and Labour jack it in?" Brian asked.

"Well, when Brussels accelerated economic and social union they disbanded all national governments. Domestically, what we have now is the equivalent of the old metropolitan or county councils. When they took all of the control to Brussels, they left Westminster with the power to set local community charge rates, how much to fine people for dog fouling and not much else. Johnson and Corbyn tried to carry on, but it was hopeless. No power, no point"

"What year was that? My memory's not what it was."

"2019," I replied. "The same year the pound was abolished. I remember all that kerfuffle with the euro coming in." I smiled, fondly recalling the race to get all the cash handling machines in banks and supermarkets changed over in time for e-Day.

"What happened to Boris and Jeremy anyway?" asked Brian.

"Boris has got dual American citizenship,"  I said. "Went over the pond and took to the after dinner speech circuit."

"And Jeremy?"

"Went off grid, as far as I know. Think he moved to Scotland. Of course, they would have given him a visa, no problem. No immigration checks for people like him."

"Bloody Scots," Brian said. The duplicity of Scots politicians, Nicola Sturgeon in particular, always made his blood boil. "The day that woman convinced us all to vote Remain, then drew up the drawbridge, declared independence and crowed about the North Sea oil revenue was a black day in British history. Still, you'd retired by then hadn't you?" he said, bringing the conversation back to e-Day.

"Yes, not for long though," I replied. "Had to go back to work when that pension pot of mine lost three-quarters of its value when the economy crashed and Brussels introduced those controls on pension funds. The extra European Income Tax didn't help either."

"So what you doing for a living now?" Brian asked.

"EU Directive 89/686/EEC enforcement," I said.

"Oh," Brian replied. "Which one's that again?"

"Oven gloves," I said. "Well, it's more than oven gloves. Basically, I inspect commercial and domestic kitchens to make sure that all PPE - that's personal protective equipment - meets EU standards."

"Interesting, is it?" Brian asked.

"No, it's as boring as sin," I said. "Not found a single non-compliant piece of equipment these last five years. Thought I had found a non-compliant rubber glove last week, turned out to be a false alarm. Still, I do get a company car, nice Volkswagen diesel."

"Didn't diesel's get banned?" asked Brian. He looked puzzled, "I'm sure there was something about emissions."

"They were talking about it. Old Jean-Claude Juncker was spitting feathers apparently, then he came back from a weekend in Wolfsburg and suddenly the EU had signed up for a fleet of Volkswagen diesels for the next thirty years."

"Nice car, is it?" Brian asked.

"It's OK. Mind you, I had the devil's own job learning to drive on the right!" I smiled; "I'll never forget that day we switched from driving on the left to the right! What fun that was!"

Just then, Brian's wife Marion came out, "Brian!" she called, "Mr Bissengaliyev from next door is here, he wants to pick your brains about the election."

" Bissengaliyev?" I asked, "Russian?"

"No, I think he's from Kazakhstan," Brian replied. "Mind you, I could be wrong, what with Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan and Tajikistan all joining the EU this year, it's hard to be sure."

"What's he do for a living?" I asked.

"Works for Sports Direct at that warehouse down the road apparently. He was telling me he wouldn't have come if he'd known how bad it was going to be. Barely makes minimum wage and he's been on a precarious contract since he got here."

"Precarious contract?" I asked, "What's that?"

"Similar to zero-hours," said Brian. "He's on 24/7 call out, but last week he only worked fifteen hours by all accounts. Got called out four times, twice they sent him home."

"I thought zero-hours contracts got banned?" I said.

"They wanted to," said Brian. "Those employers' groups lobbied Brussels and the opposition evaporated. Typical! Anyway, I'd better get in and see Mr Bissengaliyev. I'll catch you later."

"Yes, see you," I said and went indoors. Walking across the living-room, I turned the television on. And was greeted by the grinning visage of George Osborne, President of the United States of Europe.

"My fellow Europeans," he began...

Chicken Pox And Euro '96

Euro 2016 kicks off tomorrow with France taking on Romania in Paris, but twenty years ago the European Football Championships were held in England, and I ended up watching more of the games on the television than I had originally planned. That year, David Baddiel and Frank Skinner were singing about "Thirty years of hurt" and the nation was hoping that England could add to the 1966 World Cup triumph, but I was preparing to go on holiday the weekend that the tournament started.

Val and I had married in 1995, and at the time she was working for P & O Cruises. As you might expect, heavily discounted prices for cruises were one of the perks of the job, so the first holiday we had together was a Mediterranean cruise on board SS Canberra. We paid the princely sum of £12 per night, each. The total cost of our cruise was significantly lower than most passengers were paying per night. "Whatever you do, don't tell anyone what we are paying," Val implored me on that first trip, the reason being that other passengers tended to be competitive on price and would quite often brag about the discount they got when booking their holiday. Obviously none would have got a deal anywhere near staff rates!

SS Canberra. Picture: cruisehistory.com

Having enjoyed my first cruise (a dose of sea-sickness while crossing the Bay of Biscay apart), and what with prices being so competitive, it was inevitable that we would book another cruise for our 1996 holiday. The only drawback (as far as I was concerned) was that it coincided with the first two weeks of Euro '96. Nowadays I would probably be a lot less bothered, but back then I admit that I was torn between the prospect of an inexpensive, but luxurious, holiday and sitting in front of the TV watching wall-to-wall football.

The holiday itinerary involved driving to Southampton on the day after England kicked off the tournament with a game at Wembley against Switzerland, so at least I would be able to watch that one. By the time we got back to Southampton I expected England to be out of the competition, and how many games I would see while we were away was anyone's guess: mine would have been not many.

But on the Thursday before we were due to depart, I was feeling distinctly peaky; washed out, no energy. I put it down to the weather (it was pretty warm for June), and I went into work on the Friday as usual. By lunchtime I felt terrible. I could barely move and was sent home. By some miracle, I got an appointment at the doctors and went there on the way home. "It's a virus," the doctor told me. Which one, he couldn't tell, nor could he give me any useful prognosis. I went home, feeling like the proverbial "death warmed up," and prayed that come Sunday I would feel a bit better.

Saturday morning dawned and I felt pretty much the same, except now I was covered in blisters. So many blisters that they appeared to be erupting before my very eyes. Now it dawned on me...chicken pox! Looking back, it is a wonder that I didn't realise that was what it was earlier, after all my daughter had just had chicken pox (about two blisters and little in the way of other symptoms), and one of my work colleagues was off sick with it too. That put the tin hat on the holiday, which fortunately cost us nothing to cancel (although we had paid for the car parking upfront and couldn't get that back), and Val cancelled her leave and left me at home to fend for myself.

"Smile," said Val when she took this picture.I didn't think I had much to smile about.

But first, things took a slight turn for the worse. On Sunday morning I awoke feeling a bit wheezy, a bit short of breath, and that worried me. Chicken pox (proper name varicella), is generally quite mild when contracted as a child (witness both of my daughters, whose cases barely registered beyond a few blisters), but can be serious in adults. In fact I knew that a friend of my father caught chicken pox when he was in his 30's or 40's, developed complications when it affected his lungs, and he subsequently died. As you might imagine, this troubled me somewhat, but a course of antibiotics cleared up the problem. In the event that you ever contract chicken pox and develop any sort of breathing problem, please contact your doctor, pronto!

But the antibiotics could do nothing about the blisters. And the most troublesome of them were the ones on the soles of my feet. When Val returned to work, leaving me marooned on the sofa and spending afternoons watching football on the telly, the occasional trip to the kitchen to make a cup of tea was accompanied by much wincing and cursing. Sales of calamine lotion in my area soared as I applied the cool pink liquid to pretty much every part of my body; it would have been easier to bathe in it to be honest.

After a few days I ventured into the garden, hoping that the sun would be good for the blisters - by now I was at least feeling a little more human, even if my nightly ritual still involved anointing myself with calamine lotion before sleeping in the lounge (Val, having had chicken pox as a child, feared the possibility of shingles and banished me from the bedroom).

England 4 Netherlands 1. Picture: Daily Mail

Having to stay at home rather than go on the cruise - and how fortunate was it that the chicken pox made itself known before the holiday, rather than when we were actually aboard ship, in which case I would have ended up in isolation in the ship's hospital - did mean I was able to witness England's progress in the Euros. The stunning 4-1 win over the Netherlands, the nail-biting penalty shoot-out win against Spain, and the almost inevitable defeat by the same method in the semi-final against Germany.

Predictably, England were eliminated by Germany...on penalties. Picture: BBC

By that time I was feeling well enough to venture out (I was no longer infectious), but in an attempt not to attract attention since I was still rather spotty, I wore a hat and dark glasses as Val and I walked to one of our local pubs, where I kept a low profile and sat in the beer garden.

The Harrow, Hornchurch, where I tried to remain inconspicuous in the beer garden. Picture: beerintheevening.com

It would be nice to think that England can at least match their performance from 1996 in this year's European Championships, but even if they don't, at least I shouldn't get chicken pox this time round - or anything else, I hope!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Rarely has the aphorism, "there are lies, damned lies and statistics"  been more apposite than among the multitude of facts and figures being pumped out by both sides of the EU referendum debate. Even on the rare occasions where both side agree on a matter of fact as a starting point, they then extrapolate and manipulate to reach wildly different conclusions.

U-turn? What u-turn?

A central plank of the Leave campaign is that we currently pay £350 million per week into the EU budget and that withdrawing would free up this money, which is enough to fund the building of a new hospital every week and pay for 600,000 new nurses for the NHS. Nonsense, claim Remain campaigners. Not only does this figure fail to account for Britain's rebate, it also fails to consider payments made by the EU to the UK. Some claim that our net contribution to the EU actually amounts to 'just' £136 million per week, a still not inconsiderable sum but whatever figure you chose to believe, there are no guarantees on how any money saved would be spent.

The Remainers will point to a report from the independent  research group, the Institute for Fiscal Studies, who say that although withdrawal from the EU would improve UK public finances by £8 billion[1], Brexit could mean two further years of "austerity,"  with a reduction in GDP leading to an increase in our deficit of between £20 billion and £40 billion in 2019–20. But this is just so much speculation; no country has yet exited the EU, there are no precedents to draw on and the effect of Brexit could just as easily be an increase in GDP.

If the value of Britain's contribution - which ought to be verifiable, but clearly isn't - is debatable, then yet more contentious are some of the other figures bandied about, particularly those projected by Chancellor of The Exchequer, George Osborne. Brexit would mean every household in Britain being £4,300 worse off per annum by 2030 according to George, since Britain's withdrawal would cause the economy to shrink by 6% over the next fourteen years. Except of course there is no evidence to support that claim and the £4,300 figure is a representation of how GDP could shrink per head of the population. It is total misrepresentation to claim that everyone will be over four grand a year worse off. It is equally possible that the economy could grow by 6% over the next fourteen years; experience shows that economic forecasts are rarely accurate, there are simply too many variables.

Would you buy a used statistic from this man?

Osborne also claims that Brexit would cost pensioners as much as £32,000. This is based on the assumption that having left the EU, Britain would be faced with rising inflation, falling asset prices and other economic woes which would erode pension values. On the other side of the coin there are pensions experts who predict that pensions would fall if Britain remains in the EU since regulations on the value of cash reserves that insurers are required to keep would drive down the rates on the annuities purchased from pension pots and similarly, final salary pensions schemes would lose out as Brussels introduces controls on them, increasing costs and causing some schemes to close.

When Britain voted on the EU in 1975 it was membership of the Common Market that we were considering. The Common Market was little more than a glorified trade bloc, but one that had delusions of grandeur, and having transmogrified itself into the European Union, it is now an organisation that its detractors claim interferes in too many aspects of our daily lives. EU supporters will claim that it has protected and improved workers' rights throughout the continent with directives such as The Working Time Regulations, however trade union officials both in the UK and outside  consider the EU to be anything but a workers' paradise. Enrico Tortolano, campaign director for Trade Unionists Against The EU says that the case for Britain to leave is stronger than ever, while Norwegian trade unionists believe that they have enjoyed many additional rights and privileges as a direct result of Norway remaining outside the EU. In Sweden workers who saw their terms and conditions of employment deteriorate found that their case went unsupported in the European Court of Justice, who according to the Morning Star, "made it explicit that business and employers’ freedoms trump all workers’ protections."

"A resounding No to continued membership of the EU should be coming from the working-class socialist movement"  Enrico Tortolano.

Ah, say some, but remaining in the EU surely must be good for the NHS, which remains one of this country's most prized assets. NHS England chief executive Simon Stevens has warned that Brexit would be extremely harmful to the NHS, with a possible recession damaging investment in the health service. It is possible, however that our continued membership of the EU might force the break up and privatisation of the NHS through the implementation of the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP).

Last week an article in the Evening Standard suggested that Britain could lose control of Gibraltar in the event that we vote to leave the EU, if combined with a victory for the centre-right Partido Popular in the Spanish elections on 26th June. It is of course, equally possible to argue that our continued membership of the EU makes a decision from Brussels to hand control of the Rock over to the Spanish just as likely.

But what about all that pettifogging red tape that Brussels insists in wrapping business up in? Is it really essential for there to be 109 EU laws regarding pillow cases, or 52 relating to toasters (if there are that many for pillow cases, I would have expected the total for toasters to be greater), or 1,200 about bread, or 12,000 concerning milk? Who knows, because is it really possible to keep abreast of that number of directives? Freed from these bureaucratic shackles, which apply whether a company trades with the EU or not, British companies could flourish. Or that is one argument; another would be that they would still have to comply with all of these directives if they traded with the EU, so Brexit would not significantly reduce the amount of red-tape. And anyway, as successive British administrations have proved, Whitehall is equally as adept at passing legislation that companies claim strangles their business.

Unlike General Elections, whatever decision we reach on 23rd June is not one we are likely to be able to reconsider in five years time and reverse if we are unhappy with the outcome. Which is why, in order to make an informed decision, we need facts not speculation and thoughtful consideration of potential outcomes rather than the hyperbolic  purple prose employed by both sides in this debate.

Jeremy Corbyn voted out in 1975 and would be likely to do so now if he were still a back bencher claims his long-time friend and journalist Tariq Ali. Corbyn now backs the Remain campaign.

In the 1975 referendum,  it was 67% to 33% in favour of staying in the Common Market but polls suggest that this time round it will be a lot closer. As many as 20% of voters remain undecided on which way to cast their vote, and I include myself among them. Making my mind up is proving difficult, because frankly I don't know which side to believe - most of the time I don't believe either of them. The scaremongering and peddling of the most dubious of 'facts' has been on a scale unprecedented in any political campaign I can remember. If you believe some of the stories from the Remain camp, without the EU to wipe our noses and ties our shoelaces, Britain will be like a weak and frightened child in a bewildering adult land, while the Leave supporters forget that the world is a very different place from what it was before we joined the Common Market and that disentangling ourselves from and subsequently dealing with the EU may make the most acrimonious of divorces seem like a genteel tea party.

All I know is that this is the most important decision the public have been asked to make since, well 1975 probably, and I hope and pray we make the right one - whatever it is.

---

[1] See http://www.ifs.org.uk/publications/8296

The One Hundred Club

Football's administrators love to tinker. Leaving well alone and not fixing things that aren't broken are not part of their mindset. And while I am not that much of a traditionalist that I cannot accept change, I sometimes wonder exactly how much thought goes into the ideas that emanate from the FA, or the Premier League or anyone else involved in running the sport in this country.

Two years ago FA chairman Greg Dyke proposed a new division for the Football League to comprise a mixture of ten teams from Step One of non-League football (the National League) and ten Premier League B teams. The idea met with immediate and almost universal condemnation and was quickly dropped. The B team spectre was raised again when it was suggested that Premier League teams could enter second string teams in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy (JPT) and the latest proposals to re-organise the Football League raise the possibility that the introduction of B teams into the English league structure could soon be back on the agenda.

Greg Dyke

The new proposals are to increase the number of Football League clubs from 72 to 80, formed into four divisions of twenty teams each instead of the current three divisions of twenty-four clubs, giving a grand total of one hundred clubs when the Premier League sides are added. That means a reduction in games for each club from 46 to 38 league matches per season and puts the Holy Grail of the Premier League one step further away for a number of clubs.

A few Football League club spokesmen oppose these ideas, like Bradford City's joint-chairman Mark Lawn who says, "Losing four home games means we lose four incomes," and the loss of income from four home games is in no way offset by the reduction in expenses from the loss of four away games. Other chairmen are, if not exactly supportive, prepared to at least consider the idea, like Brentford chief executive Mark Devlin. "These proposals are a really good start for how we can tackle some of the problems Football League clubs are facing," he said.

Bradford City joint-chairman Mark Lawn. Picture: Daily Mail

The Football League's proposals have four objectives:

- To maximise the number of weekend/Bank Holiday league fixtures. The last time I looked, every Saturday during the season had a full set of fixtures, as did most Bank Holidays (Christmas Day excepted, and not all clubs play on Good Friday), so this objective is met under the current structure anyway. But if they mean "reducing the number of games moved from their original Saturday afternoon kick-offs at the whim of the TV companies," then good for them.

- To remove where practical fixture congestion and scheduling conflicts. Laudable, and a reduction in league fixtures means more free midweek dates for re-arranged games and generally provides more flexibility, so no argument from me on that one. Except, of course that to achieve it, clubs have to give up four home games and the associated income.

- To protect/improve financial distributions/income generation for Football League clubs. The devil is in the detail. The big question has to be how? As Brian Lawn says, four fewer home games means considerably reduced income; how do the Football League propose compensating clubs (even indirectly)? We'll have to wait and see how they put flesh on the bones for this proposal.

- To maintain the Football League Play-Off Finals as the last event of the domestic season. So maintain the status quo then. Not a radical proposal and one I'm sure few club chairmen would even deem worth commenting on, particularly since it would be difficult to have the play-off before the end of the regular season!

The list of perceived benefits that the Football League has come up with are questionable.

- The importance of each individual fixture will increase. How precisely? Games are important or they are not, that won't change. The number of apparently meaningless matches won't reduce as there will still be clubs in mid-table limbo neither threatened by relegation nor with a chance of promotion.

- Reduced travel costs to four games which are often at a distance. True, except that these cost reductions are scant compensation for the loss of income from four home games.

- Midweek travel for fans vastly reduced. Somewhat disingenuous this: it isn't often that the football authorities pay much consideration to fans, and they will continue to disregard them when it suits them to schedule games for the benefit of television rather than the supporters.

- Potential to reduce squad size.  Some club chairmen have already pooh-poohed this and it is difficult to see how clubs will be able to reduce squads by more than one or two players.

  

- Enhanced recovery time/match preparation.  Cannot argue with this one. Fewer games means longer to recover between games and could mean clubs can get by with smaller squads, but any gains will be marginal.

- Increased importance of reserve team football.  Again, how precisely? Are clubs going to play more reserve games as a result of this? And if they do, they will either need bigger squads, or players will play more often (being required for both first and reserve team fixtures) rather negating either of the previous two supposed benefits.

- Increase in sale of season tickets due to reduction in midweek games. With fewer games, season ticket prices ought to fall, which may result in increased sales. But, since clubs will already see a reduction in income due to having fewer home games they may be reluctant to reduce season ticket prices. If they don't that is effectively an increase in price per game and may actually cause sales to fall.

- Increased profile on League One, Two & Three at different stages of the season. How this is supposed to happen -and why it doesn't happen already - is not explained. Perhaps at some stage the Football League will clarify this.

There is provision in the proposals to revise the format of the Johnstone's Paint Trophy to include a group stage, so on the one hand the Football League propose reducing the number of league games and on the other increasing the number of games in the less meaningful JPT. But, of course doing so also allows for the inclusion of Premier League B teams in the JPT, which potentially opens the door to these sides in the league itself.

Football League chief executive Shaun Harvey has dismissed the idea of B teams in the Football League, saying that in addition to the two clubs promoted from the National League (Step One of non-League football) the next logical place for the extra clubs to come from would be promoting the next six teams from the National League." That, however is not set in stone and the idea of the Glasgow clubs Celtic and Rangers entering the Football League has again been floated, an idea which Shaun Harvey accepts might be difficult to accomplish, but which he does not dismiss out of hand.

Celtic play Rangers: could these two Scottish clubs every play in the Football League? Picture: Sky Sports

Taking eight clubs out of the National League (Step One) in one fell swoop will send ripples through Steps Two, Three, Four and Five of non-League football. Clubs will have to be promoted to fill vacancies or leagues will have to reduce the number of clubs in their constitutions, and while that is something some leagues may not be averse to,  there has been no consultation with the National League and below, and apparently no consideration given to this by the Football League in making their announcement.

Sixty-five of the Football League's seventy-two clubs need to vote in favour of these proposals when they come up for consideration at the Football League's AGM, and from comments made by a number of club chairmen, I would think that considerably fewer than that number will do so. However, this is merely the start. If the Football League are knocked back with these ideas, I've no doubt they will formulate an alternative plan - watered down a bit perhaps, but with similar long term objectives.

Shaun Harvey, Football League CEO. Picture: The Football League.

Even club chairmen who oppose the current proposals will accept that some changes to the League's structure may be inevitable and could be beneficial, but like me, I'm sure that most of them are looking at these and wondering who would benefit from them as they stand. Shaun Harvey says "There are clear benefits for everyone," and I don't have a problem with either the objectives or the perceived benefits - although I would question how clear they are and  achievable they are - just with the route the Football League wants to take to achieve them.

The Football League clubs will vote on the matter at next month's AGM and I think I can predict the outcome. After all, given the choice, turkeys would not vote for Christmas.

How Often Is Regularly?

Regularly is a word which, like its cousins often and frequently, is ambiguous in meaning. A regular churchgoer may attend every Sunday; a regular moviegoer probably goes to the cinema once a month, twice at a pinch; going to the dentist regularly means twice a year normally. What qualifies as regularly is nigh on impossible to pin down as a definite number, so when the Education Act says that the parent of a child who fails to attend school regularly is guilty of an offence, how many days must a child be absent before they are deemed not to be attending regularly? Failing to ensure that their child attends school regularly is the basis on which many parents find themselves being fined when they take their children on holiday during term time and the recent case involving Jon Platt, his six-year old daughter and a family holiday to Florida has brought the whole rigmarole back into the public eye.

Picture: Daily Mail

Mr Platt was fined £60 by Isle of Wight Council for taking his child on holiday without permission from the school. This fine was doubled when he refused to pay but last October, magistrates at Isle of Wight Magistrates Court found in his favour, deciding that he had no case to answer as no evidence had been produced to prove that his daughter had failed to attend school "regularly." The council appealed, but this was dismissed at the High Court in London when Lord Justice Lloyd Jones and Mrs Justice Thirlwall ruled that the magistrates had not "erred in law" when finding for Mr Platt. We can only assume that Mr Platt's daughter's attendance record of 92.3% was deemed by the High Court to amount to her attending school "regularly" and at first sight, an attendance record of over ninety percent seems regular.

Except that over a 38 week school year that amounts to fifteen days absence, or three whole weeks, or over two days ever month, whichever you prefer. Imagine an employer being faced with such absenteeism; would they accept that level of attendance at work was regular enough? Mr Platt runs a PPI claims company and as an employer I wonder how sympathetically he would view the claim of one of his workers who took unauthorised leave that he should find this acceptable because that employee had otherwise attended work regularly...say, 92.3% of the time?

Actually it is not the dispute over what constitutes regular attendance at school that concerns me here; after all any clause in a statute that is as ill defined as this - saying that children must attend school regularly, without defining what regularly is - deserves to have a coach and horses driven through it, no, what concerns me is the fact that Mr Platt felt it appropriate to remove his child from school to take a holiday without seeking permission. Presumably he felt that if he sought permission it would be refused, so he went ahead and did it anyway - which is not the sort of message one would want to give a child, that if you think you will be told No if you ask, don't ask and do it anyway.

Lord Justice Lloyd Jones said that he "did not consider it is open to an authority to criminalise every unauthorised holiday by the simple device of alleging that there has been no regular attendance in a period limited to the absence on holiday" thereby completely missing the point of the legislation, and the offense, that is to say that the child was taken out of school without permission and regardless of the reason, the child's attendance fell below what the local authority considered regular.

There is an argument put forward by the Local Government Association that families should have the option to spend time together  "when they choose to, rather than tying families to set holiday periods," which on the face of it may seem reasonable, particularly when one considers that holidays cost a lot less during term time than during formal holidays, and some parents may find it difficult to match their holiday entitlement with the school holidays. Except for the many counter arguments. If the education authorities and individual schools give in on this then there comes with it the possibility that any parent could take their child out of school to go on holiday at any time, which would affect not just that child, who has to catch up with the learning they missed while on holiday, but also their teachers and classmates who have to cater for that child's -or children's - remedial learning. And how much term time absence would be reasonable: one week a year? Or two? Or three? Where would it end?

It may well be that Mr Platt took his child out of school to take advantage of the holiday company charging a lower price during term time, after all it is a common complaint that holiday prices rocket during school holidays (although the tour operators no doubt would argue that in fact they actually heavily discount prices during term time, rather than hike them during the school holidays).  

Holiday prices undoubtedly differ between term time and school holidays. Graphic: Daily Mail.

If parents are able to book holidays at any time rather than during the fourteen weeks a year that school is out, prices may even out over the year, and if prices even out that means that at times they will be higher than they are now. Those people who take their holidays during term time precisely because the resorts are not full of families with young children and because the prices are more affordable will be jeering, rather than cheering this verdict. And parents; will they welcome this decision, which on one hand gives them carte blanche to take their children on holiday exactly when they choose, without fear of prosecution? Or will they find legislative changes put through to make term time holidays without permission punishable, regardless of the child's attendance record at other times?

The Department for Education are understandably disappointed with the ruling and say they are planning to close the loophole by changing the law. After the ruling Mr Platt's said the decision was "a victory" and that parents "should decide what's best for their children." But do parents really know what is best for their children? In terms of their education, I'd say not necessarily. But it isn't solely Mr Platt who is at fault here, it is also whoever framed the law in such a wishy-washy, ambiguous manner and thereby allowed this situation - which is by no means unusual - to occur.

Given that Mr Platt's court appearances racked up costs of over £14,000 - which he would have been liable for had he lost, but which must now be paid by Isle of Wight Council - all for the sake of a £60 fine over which he could have shrugged his shoulders and simply paid - we could be charitable and say that he took the stance he did as a matter of principle. Except that his victory may be a pyrrhic one if the law is changed to give schools no discretion in allowing term time absences and  making any unauthorised absence punishable, and his principles may ultimately inconvenience parents rather than liberating them.

A Fragile Drama

Frequent exposure to Close To The Edge while I was in the Sixth Form at Forest Lodge School converted me into a prog rock fan[1], yet prior to this week I had seen Yes play live only once. That was in October 1978 when they played in the round, on a revolving stage, at Wembley during their Tormatour. That night there was a distinct smell in the arena, the sort of aroma that only comes from the sort of cigarette not stocked by your corner tobacconist. This week at the Royal Albert Hall the drugs of choice for the audience - many of whom, like me, had probably been at Wembley 38 years ago - was more likely statins or anti-inflammatory's.

Inexplicably I didn't try for tickets when Yes toured a couple of years back playing Close To The Edge (which has been a constant favourite of mine since I learned to love it in 1976) however when I learned that they were touring again, playing both Fragile and Drama in their entirety, I bought a ticket. That was last June, and less than a fortnight later Yes bass guitarist and founder member Chris Squire sadly died. There are now no longer any founder members of Yes in the current line up; Steve Howe, who joined the band in 1970, two years after Squire and Jon Anderson had formed the group, remains the longest serving member.

This begs the question, are they still Yes? The ship of Theseus, also known as Theseus' paradox, is a thought experiment that asks if an object has had all of its components replaced, does it remain the same object? The original question was, does a ship which has been restored by replacing each and every one of its wooden parts remain the same ship? Latterly, the paradox cropped up in an episode of Only Fools and Horses in which Trigger wins an award for having owned the same broom for 20 years, but which he says has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles during that time. So, if all the original members of a band have been replaced, are they still the same band? Given that Yes have evolved, that the line up has altered fluidly over the last 48 years rather than changing explosively in a much shorter space of time, I think we can say, yes, they are the same band.

Tuesday's show opened with a lone bass guitar standing in the spotlight on stage as a recording of Onward was played to an accompaniment of images of Chris Squire on the screen behind before the band took to the stage and launched into Machine Messiah, the opening track from their 1980 album, Drama -which they proceeded to play in full. My memory of the release of Drama was that is was a somewhat controversial album, as following the departure of keyboard virtuoso Rick Wakeman and vocalist Jon Anderson, the remaining members were joined by Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes formerly of The Buggles. Some Yes fans were, I am sure, horrified that the partnership that recorded Video Killed The Radio Star had joined the band - think Harry Styles and Niall Horan from One Direction replacing Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in the Rolling Stones - but Drama was a better album than some had expected, and having heard it live on Tuesday, I can say that it has clearly stood the test of time. And being played live brought out the album's aggression and drive that was especially showcased by Squire's bass playing on record and which Billy Sherwood captured perfectly on stage.

Chris Squire. Photo: yesworld.com

In fact, Sherwood was probably star of the show. Despite having big shoes to fill in place of Squire, he was superb - but then he isn't a Yes novice, he first played with the band in 1994 and has filled several different roles in the years since. The bass on Starship Trooper, the song from The Yes Album that was performed as the encore, reverberated round the Royal Albert Hall. The depth of sound, and that auditorium has probably the best acoustics of any venue I have visited, was such that it had a very real physical presence.

Trevor Horn's guest appearance to sing on Tempus Fugit (the worst kept secret of the year) concluded the first portion of the show, and then it was on to Fragile (via a few "greatest hits"). Of the so-called greatest hits only Owner of A Lonely Heart can really be called a "hit" in the hit single sense, but the song I enjoyed the most from this part of the set was Siberian Khatru, making me rue even more my decision not to get tickets when Yes played Close To The Edge.

Fragile, although considered more of a classic Yes album than Drama, has always seemed a bit of a Curate's egg to me. Roundabout, South Side Of The Sky, Mood For A Day and Heart of The Sunrise stand comparison with anything Yes have ever produced, but I have always thought that I could live without We Have Heaven and The Fish (Schindleria Praematurus), while Five Per Cent For Nothing is frankly a waste of space - fortunately it is a short waste of space as it lasts only 35 seconds. However, The Fish was Chris Squire's solo contribution to the album, and that makes it worthy of reconsideration. Having played Fragile again recently, I realise that my previous disregard for The Fish was unworthy, and yet again on stage Billy Sherwood more than did justice to Squire's memory. Live -and on record  - the high spots from Fragile eclipse those from Drama, but remarkably the latter album proved that when played live it is no lightweight. It seemed as much pop as prog, a sort of Yes Lite, when first released, but this performance of it was quite superb.

The idea of bands playing the whole of classic albums in one show has become increasingly popular in recent years; cynics might call it milking the last drop of revenue out of old material because bands are unable to come up with anything new. On the other hand, there's obviously plenty of demand for these shows and the chance to see classic albums performed in their entirety usually means seeing some tracks played live for the first time. Mind you, I understand that Tales from Topographic Oceans may be the next Yes album to get the live treatment and that one is going to divide opinion (I'll be giving it a miss).

Coming away from the Royal Albert Hall, which one would be hard pressed to better as a venue for live music (although I still think that the Hammersmith Odeon, or whatever it calls itself these days, remains my favourite), something occurred to me. Apart from the obvious, that audiences at concerts by bands of such longevity as Yes tend to be comprised mainly of people of what can only be called late middle age (assuming we all live to be 110), it is a rare prog rock show that does  not feature an extended drum solo.

And then I realised that the date was exactly three years since I saw Steve Hackett's Genesis Revisited show at the Hammersmith Odeon - 10th May is patently prog rock day - I wonder who's live in London on that day next year?

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[1] See You Want Noodles With That?

Click Here For Virtual Reality

I recently attended a recording of Click, BBC Radio's technology show: the subject was virtual reality. If virtual reality on the radio sounds a little odd, remember that the BBC once broadcast a radio programme called Educating Archie, which featured a ventriloquist act, and in that tradition, this episode of Click included shadow puppetry to accompany a somewhat surreal song about Gravity and Virtual Reality going on a date to the zoo. It worked for the audience in the Radio Theatre (well sort of), but may have been lost on the listeners at home. But, as presenter Gareth Mitchell said, radio is a form of virtual reality, (as is reading, I would argue). Both reading and listening allow the listener or reader to imagine for themselves visually what is being presented to them, during and after the event. The vividness of the imagining leads us to sometimes find fault with TV or film adaptations of our favourite books. You may, as I have, sometimes been disappointed by a film version when the actors or locations do not match the images you created in your own mind while reading the book.

Peter Brough and dummy, Archie. Click HERE to experience Educating Archie in VR!

Visual reality (VR) technology seems to be the coming thing - be it Google Cardboard, Oculus Rift or Samsung Gear - the tech giants are aiming to have us all watching films or playing games in VR; but is it going to be worth buying? That, I suppose is the $64,000 question. As Sandy Smolan, an award winning director of features, documentaries, television, and commercials, and who was interviewed for Click, said, content is key. VR has practical applications in education (particularly medicine), science and engineering, but how successful it may be in the entertainment industry is moot. After all, 3D television was the coming thing six years ago, but has disappeared almost without trace. Sky TV launched their 3D channels in 2010 but - on demand content apart - abandoned it last year, two years after the BBC, who dropped their 3D output in 2013. The BBC cited viewers' dislike of the 3D glasses necessary to watch the extra dimension, together with the expense of producing shows in that format, specifically the specialised cameras. Potentially, VR could go the same way: it may be an immersive experience, but even more so than wearing a pair of 3D glasses, wearing a VR headset will make watching films a somewhat solitary one. And as many people watch TV with a drink in one hand, a sandwich in the other, and all the while making sure that their children and pets are not getting up to mischief, how are they going to do so with a VR headset on? For gamers, I can see the attraction; for the average (or even most technophile) TV viewer, less so.

Is this the future for our work, rest and play?

3D was the selling point when I last bought a TV, but it is not something I have used other than to see what it was all about; it certainly did not enhance my viewing experience, and a bad programme is still a bad programme whether it is in 2D, 3D or VR. As Sandy Smolan said, the quality of the content has to be right, as it has struck me  on more than one occasion over the years that film makers have exploited new technology, be it  surround sound, CGI, 3D or whatever, simply because it exists and they can use it, with little or no consideration given to plot, dialogue or characters. Given that I have a pretty good track record at being wrong about this sort of thing, I won't bet against VR becoming very popular indeed, but I'm not going to rush out and buy a VR headset.

Google Cardboard. Why does everyone using VR have their mouth open?

Whether or not the BBC embrace VR for shows like Strictly Come Dancing - "View the show from your favourite dancer's perspective" perhaps? - remains to be seen, but reports suggest that programmes like Strictly may have to be rescheduled by the corporation to avoid clashes with high profile shows such as The X Factor or Britain's Got Talent that are being broadcast in prime time on ITV. The Mail on Sunday quoted a government source as saying that " when ITV had a flagship programme they were hoping to get high ratings for ... it would be unfair for the BBC to take it on head-to-head." While these reports have been denied, Media and Culture Secretary John Whittingdale has previously expressed concerns about the BBC's 10 o'clock news bulletin being broadcast at the same time as ITV’s. The cynic in me thinks that the Government is flying a kite here; sufficient opposition will allow them to deny that it was ever on their agenda, public apathy will enable them to press ahead with the idea, but also that up to a point government officials may feel that the BBC need putting in their place (wherever they feel that might be, it probably is not where the Beeb feel they should be).

John Whittingdale.

Even if it came to pass, and I sincerely hope it will not (I'm with Shadow Culture Secretary Maria Eagles on this one, because as she says, it would be " completely unacceptable interference in the independence of the BBC") it would presumably have little, if any impact on viewers, because in case anyone in Government hasn't noticed, viewers have been recording programmes to watch at more convenient times, or where they clashed, for over thirty years. First came video recorders and now we have digital TV recorders, plus we have the +1 channels, and on demand services like the BBC iPlayer, All 4, ITV Hub and Sky On Demand.  Recording TV programmes for later consumption is something that certainly has stood the test of time. I cannot be alone when I say that quite often I do not watch a TV programme at the time it is being broadcast.

It is difficult to see what purpose any such interference on the part of government would serve other that as an exercise in petty vindictiveness. Politicians from all parties regularly accuse the BBC of bias; on occasion left and right wing politicians accuse the Beeb of bias in favour of their opponents over the same story, which to my mind suggests that they are quite good at striking a balance.

Balance is something the BBC are attempting to strike in their recruitment policy, as having been criticised in a 2014 report by the government’s Social Mobility and Child Poverty Commission, which found that senior BBC staff were “disproportionately from a narrow range of backgrounds” the corporation is apparently aiming to ensure that the make up of its on-screen and back office employees reflect the same share of disabled and lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) people as the general populace. This is at least in part because of pressure from government and comes at a time when the corporation's charter is up for renewal, a somewhat disquieting note as far as I am concerned; government interference in the BBC's TV scheduling we may laugh off as an outlandish joke, impinging on its recruitment policy at a time of charter renewal seems somewhat more sinister. Inevitably, such stories instantly remind me of the wonderful W1A in which the newsroom boss Neil Reid (played by David Westhead), realising that in terms of black, Asian and ethnic minority (BAEM) personnel, he has actually exceeded his target, therefore does he need to get rid of some?

David Westhead as fictional Controller of News and Current Affairs Neil Reid, in BBC's mockumentary, WIA

Quite how we got from Virtual Reality to the BBC's policy on recruiting staff from the LGBT community I am not entirely sure, but if nothing else this serves to prove that far from just reporting on news, it is difficult to keep the BBC out of it. Which one of those stories we will continue to hear about in a year or two's time remains to be seen.